Resource Articles

Success Beyond Recovery
By Michael Bray
Valeo Community Residence Program Annexer
Topeka, KS

Success, I have often thought, is being in love with being alive. As I have progressed in psychiatric and psychological treatment, I have overcome suicidal feelings and tendencies. I am, in part, a mental health patient. I call myself a patient rather than a client or consumer because thinking of my self as a patient is more nurturing. I have needed and received care. I have overcome my illness, a diagnosis of schizo-affective, with secondary obsessive-compulsive disorder. I was formerly diagnosed as suicidal, and struggled with drug addiction. I am in recovery progressively.

As I have recovered, I have achieved success. In the past 11 years and more, I have gone forth from being suicidally depressed, even after 20 years in treatment, to succeed in recovery. I rose the morning of December 13, 1996, having laid on a futon in the basement of a halfway house for ten days and nights straight. I returned to my apartment and began what I think of as a winning streak of positive accomplishment.

I worked at the Menninger Clinic canteen for two years. I helped develop a consumer-run organization called Morningstar. I wrote essays about illness and recovery, one of which was published in the Menninger Perspective. I presented some of these essays at different groups and classes. I volunteered at NAMI Kansas and Freedom House, a mental health drop-in center in Topeka. I attended Washburn University and excelled studying writing and other subjects. I traveled many times to be with my loving, understanding family. I worked at a nursery in North Topeka.

As my winning streak continues, I am minimally involved in treatment. With each step I take, my treaters encourage me. This is a refreshing situation, as I have many times considered being pulled in to be punitive. Each time I meet with my case manager and med doctor, I am "cleared for takeoff." I have not been seeing a therapist for the last two and a half years.

I see my parents as coaches. They have never settled for my recovery being the end. I agree with them that recovery is a means to an end, a successful evolution in the mainstream.

I am now out of school. My job at the nursery is seasonal, from March through November. I use my free time creatively and constructively. I am involved with NAMI Kansas. I am a regular at the local coffee house. I read and write on my own. I hike four miles a day. I like to sing, play guitar and listen to music. I like to go see a movie.

Elements of success include keeping basic needs met, assertiveness, communication skills, being open to therapeutic assistance, affirming reasons to feel good about myself, motivation, energetic curiosity and spirituality.

I aspire to keep my basic needs met. I believe my basic needs are food, clothing, shelter, sleep, exercise, work and love. I have enough to eat, a nice wardrobe, a nice apartment, and a good job nine months a year. I work at staying busy creatively. I get a good night's sleep each night. I have the love of family and best friends. I love my family and friends.

I aspire to assert. When I peacefully state what I am thinking, feeling, saying and doing, I am protected from angry situations. When I react as my healthy self, I help others assert. I have learned to assert who I am.

I aspire to communicate well. I am willing to listen. I have studied writing, broadcasting, public speaking, acting and computer science. Communicating in a clear enunciating voice is therapeutic. Talking about situations helps solve problems, including mental illness.

I am open to therapeutic assistance. I use effective medication. I meet regularly with a case manager and med doctor. I talk honestly and openly with my family, friends and treaters. I annex once a week at a group home [Valeo Community Residence Program]. I appreciate therapeutic environments. I am honest about my illness.

I affirm that I am a free citizen of the United States of America with civil rights. I am loving, healthy and intelligent. I have talents that help me help others. I am a member of the Bray family. I speak and think clearly. I have succeeded with the odds against me. I am a positive element of Planet Earth. I am peaceful.

I am motivated. I am coachable. I take advice and respect others. I love to work hard. I love to achieve. I have the right to do my part. I give as well as earn and receive.

I am energetically curious. I am an avid student, learning from each experience. I love researching. I am fascinated by the puzzle this world faces. I seek knowledge and challenging experience.

I am spiritual. I have personalized beliefs. I believe that God is a married couple, Mom and Dad Christ. I believe Jesus Christ is married to his counterpart as a messiac angel, Mary Magdalene Christ. I believe my true love Joanne lives on Planet Heaven. I believe I can psychically communicate with people on Earth and in Heaven. I believe that Earth can perfect, just like Heaven. I believe that perfecting is an honorable aspiration.

I hope reading this piece helps you succeed. I hope those experiencing illness recover. I, for one, will not give up the ship. The ship is capable of smooth sailing.

I will advocate. I will do what I can to communicate assertively about the needs and accomplishments of the mental health community. I will try to be exemplary. Hopefully, we can all succeed.